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Today's Sermon: If you're unhappy with government intervention, try divine intervention.

'Run for your lives everybody! It's the coming of Christianity!'

"...and if you add wind-chill factor, the next plague will be even worse!"

Tragically Moses didn't see the eleventh commandment.

"Poughkeepsie!"

"It's part of His new diversity program."

John Calvin

Door-to-Door Bible Site Salesman

'Noah gets off to a bad start'

'Psst - wanna take part in an exciting chemical experiment?'

"Get out there and give me 2 'Our Fathers'. 3 'Hail Marys' and an 'Act on Contrition'...!"

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

You got that beer that the monks make, didn't you?

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

"Well, we needed the rain."

'Yes, all at once!'

"It's cool – God told us to!"

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

A surprise in heaven

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

The World's Biggest Book Club

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

"Drop everything, Dominic. I need you to proof this for blasphemy."

'Is there an E-Reader Edition?'

How world war III started.

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

"Commandments aren't really selling these days. However, we're willing to consider self-help tips or personal improvement ideas."

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

Moses Today. Due to the sensitive nature of this matter, my source wishes to remain anonymous.

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'You know, I never have had a sabbatical....'

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."