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'That was. . . well, incestuous. You were cloned from my rib.'

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"The hyenas started it."

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'Yes, all at once!'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

Church Library - Pop-Up Books

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

"If this Goliath bloke is as big as they say, I can just hang around the forest until he's gone."

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

"So, if the Pope is pious, what kind of pie is he... apple?"

"What did Jesus order?"

Caption Contest TK

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

'You know, I never have had a sabbatical....'

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"It turns out you can 'take it with you' if you pack correctly."

'Wow! It didn't take long to lose that new ark smell.'

10 Commitments? Sure, I guess I could give him those, too.

The ecumenical dinner party.

Moses as a child.

My mother says the bible is full of good people, like Moses, who brought kindness to the world. That alone makes it a worthy basis for morality in today's world. Moses, Numbers 31:9-18(NIV), look it up.

"No, this is NOT a beta-test!"

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

'We were kind of hoping to let our CONSCIENCE be our guide.'