Relaxing By The Ocean Pillows

L.A. Law

On holiday.

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

Sunbathers.

"He's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes...like a DOLL'S EYES!!"

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

"I only need shade for my wine."

"Let's finish off our night of being productive by starting another season."

"I'm not angry, but in the future I’d prefer it if you chewed up her Sue Graftons, not my P.G. Wodehouses."

The real reason why flamingos are pink

Segregated Beach

"The parasol certainly paid for itself this summer."

"I said, 'I'm not on duty! I just came back to get my flip-flops.'"

'Sounded more like a seagull to me.'

Hollywood Breakup

"I'd hold off on the peking duck another five minutes...the show's almost over."

"How's it look back there?"

"Just the slippers is fine!"

'A loaf of bread, a jug of wine, a CD player, a laptop computer, a cordless phone and thou.'

"Should we take pics of our feed for Instagram?"

"This is what I call a home entertainment centre."

"He's 'getting the grill ready for summer,' which means he's washing out the beer cooler."

A man sitting in the grass reading

'I prefer to do absolutely nothing on holiday....otherwise the shock's too much when I get back.'

"I'm not the only one who hates you changing the channel every second. Now when you want to watch TV, the remote escapes."

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

"We can do this the easy way or the Hitchcockian way."

'Anything good on the telly tonight? Yes dear the vase!'

The following story is based on actual events.

Flotation Device on the Phone

"Who's my perfect little excuse to leave social functions? You are, yes you are."

Water Gardening: And you will find yourself thinking over many garden problems at the waterside.

"What … have … you … done?"

'You're so sophisticated and witty...and muscular...do you work out? Why, yes, I'd love to come back to your place.'