Relaxed Rascal T-Shirts

'How impressive! I had no idea they awarded a Nobel Prize for home winemaking.'

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

'This model is hard to get parts for.'

"I don't care if you saw this in a western..."

' ... and this is the half bath.'

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

As a reformed gunfight, Big Jake vowed never again to use an iron

'Barry I think it's time you had your eyes checked!'

'How do people without a middle name know when the're in trouble?'

Wearing bras in 2020.

"Just sitting here widening. You?"

'You kids get out of this park right now and go play in traffic!!!'

'Break a leg.' - 'Thanks a lot.'

Microwave - 'Table 19 sends compliments to the chef!'

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"

'When did the world get into such a big hurry?'

Success Without Effort

'Mind giving him his bath now- he'll be asleep when we get home!'

Congestion Eases Inexplicably

'... and the house prices are still going up.'

'Hey! Who left the television off?'

No child onboard. Don't drive carefully.

"When people talk about a 'staycation' this isn't what they mean!"

'I just started at the bottom and I like it there!'

'I sent Ben to fly fishing school, now he's a menace to the whole stream!'

"Gloves off at the table please!" "They're not gloves, they're dirt!"

The Tour de Pants.

Boy throwing mud over a coachman's heels

'I'm afraid releasing that information would not be in the public interest.'

"I'm going to have to cut your walk short today."

"You'll never eat all that. Your problem is your eyes are bigger than your stomach."

'Morgue - Welcome to the chill-out room.'