Relationship Rollercoaster Pillows

'I'm from the exterminators, here to kill moths...Those devils, it's worse than I thought.'

'I must be getting hard up...I just made a date with my ex-husband!'

"The date was going well. . . until he turned up."

Old and new tattoos

"My wife left me because of my compulsive gambling..."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'Your place or mine?'

"Tunnel of love"

Waterfall of Disappointment

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

Dating the efficiency expert.

Joe's Bar: Happy Hour 5-9, Utter Despair 10-12.

'The trouble with Nigel is that he's so changeable. One minute I love him and the next minute I loathe him.'

"Our online romance needs fresh start. I think it's time to hit 'ctrl', 'alt', 'delete'."

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

Mine Shaft of Love.

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

"I had half a date last weekend."

"Oh no! You, again?"

'One question, Vicar. Is it bad luck to invite any of the other people we're sleeping with?'

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

'And you must be Hank, my husband's new business partner!'

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

Too Weird to Have a Husband

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

'I guess I shouldn't have expected too much. Martin was a floor model.'

Tunnel of Love.

Church Drive-Thru.

"Are you trying to tell me something, dearest?"

'This is our last date, Harry. I think I should see other weirdos.'

'Would you like to come over to my place and see a video of my first marriage?'

'I think it's fair to say we're opposed to tame sex marriage.'

'I'm mad as hell, but also very apathetic.'

"So when you said you were a bee keeper..."

'I'm sorry, Jerome. Instead of marriage and having kids, I've decided just to have myself cloned.'