Relationship Optimizer T-Shirts

'This is to strengthen mutual trust.'

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"They met in the express-checkout lane at the A.&P. and have slowed down only occasionally ever since."

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

Try Mediation

Window Treatment

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

"Men can keep a secret, but it takes a woman to tell them that it was supposed to be a secret!"

Awkward First Dates

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"My computer just texted me."

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

Relationships.

Blowing dust off an order book.

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

"...and do you agree to accept him as he is, and not try to change him?"

Hollywood Breakup

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

'At last, the newly discovered films of Woody Alien.'

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

"I'm ready to go whenever you're through fussing with tablescapes."

"Oh darling! I just got your wonderful value added proposition! Of course I'll marry you!"

"I didn't mean your day wasn't hard, too."

"I've had you appraised."