Relationship Optimizer Prints

'This is to strengthen mutual trust.'

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"They met in the express-checkout lane at the A.&P. and have slowed down only occasionally ever since."

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

Try Mediation

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Window Treatment

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"I traded his corncob pipe and his button nose for a buttoned lip, and things couldn't be better."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

Awkward First Dates

"My computer just texted me."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"Men can keep a secret, but it takes a woman to tell them that it was supposed to be a secret!"

"So, how are we doing with our trust issues?"

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

'At last, the newly discovered films of Woody Alien.'

(Diamonds shining, … Dancing, dining, …with some man in a restaurant. Is that all you really want?) (Are you making this up?) (Unsophisticated Lady)

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

Relationships.

Blowing dust off an order book.

Hollywood Breakup

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

"...and do you agree to accept him as he is, and not try to change him?"

"I'm ready to go whenever you're through fussing with tablescapes."

"I didn't mean your day wasn't hard, too."

"Oh darling! I just got your wonderful value added proposition! Of course I'll marry you!"