Relationship Jester T-Shirts

"Mind if I put on the game?"

"It's your job to work hard and get good grades, David. It's my job to make your mother laugh."

"I know what you're thinking, but let me offer a competing narrative."

"OK, you can have another spin - but only 'cause it's your birthday."

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

Yin and Yang fall out

'No, there's nothing on my mind, but if there was I don't want to talk about it.'

Facebook.

"OK, but I'll have to run it by my husband."

"Good morning, beheaded—uh, I mean beloved."

"I have an evacuation plan that includes Roger and one that does not include Roger."

Man escaping from his scolding wife by inhaling ether

'My wife thinks I should go into therapy to find out why I think I don't need it.'

'Would it upset you is I said I'm not bothered if your heart isn't in it?'

'I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer.'

'I'd always assumed that only hormone replacement therapy could make me feel better. Then I discovered husband replacement therapy. . .'

Cricketer goes for marriage guidance

"Before I say yes, my dad, who is a notary, wants to ask you about your plans for our future."

'Since I met you I can't eat...I can't drink...I'm broke.'

'Oh,do grow up - dinner wasn't that late.'

'It's not that I don't appreciate your efforts to put magic into our marriage...'

"Oh my God! He's unicellular!"

It's not that I don't care for you, but let's face it Larry. You have commitment issues.

'If this is going to continue - le's knock out that wall and add another room.'

"What you call bad sex, I call physical comedy."

'...Love, honor, and obey, no questions asked?'

'It's strange that you should ask for my daughter's hand. Only this morning she told me she wants to give you the elbow.'

'I'm not that concerned about my prostate ... I'm still trying to survive my wife's menopause.'

'Your wife doesn't understand you. . .'

"You make me want to be a better person than you."

'Business has been a little slow lately, dear...I may have to let you go.'

'I didn't even know she was angry until she started shooting.'

"The liposuction will help Mrs Miggins...but it won't make him disappear competely!"

'I'm just checking my e-cigarette.'

"You were with her again, weren't you?"