Relationship Innovator T-Shirts

"It's our new living apart-together relationship."

"I'm glad you're up for us having an open water marriage."

In the Guru District

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

The best financial decision I ever made.

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

Couples' therapy

'Great Therapy!'

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

"She wanted to go to the beach. I wanted to golf."

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

"The whole time we were dating, he kept saying, 'You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!"

"Of course I won't forget to tell you when quarantine's over!"

"There's something I have to tell you."

Yeah, you're right. She's playing hard-to-get.

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

"When we first started seeing each other, we would always use the same word for snow."

"If I ever start turning into my father do me a favor and don't turn into my mother."

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

"Do we go out or do we stay home and open a can of worms?"

"Well, I've emailed, faxed, and phoned Dobson. Maybe I should just walk down the hall and talk to him..."

'Honestly! You really ought to see someone about that cough of yours.'