Relationship Innovator Mugs

"It's our new living apart-together relationship."

"I'm glad you're up for us having an open water marriage."

In the Guru District

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

The best financial decision I ever made.

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

Couples' therapy

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'Great Therapy!'

"She wanted to go to the beach. I wanted to golf."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

"Of course I won't forget to tell you when quarantine's over!"

"There's something I have to tell you."

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

"When we first started seeing each other, we would always use the same word for snow."

"Do we go out or do we stay home and open a can of worms?"

"If I ever start turning into my father do me a favor and don't turn into my mother."

"Well, I've emailed, faxed, and phoned Dobson. Maybe I should just walk down the hall and talk to him..."

Okay, I'll admit I was wrong. But I won't say what I was wrong about.

'You've changed since we got married.'