Relationship Indecision Gifts

'Do you have something that says possessive but afraid of commitment?'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"We don't talk anymore."

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

'And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short.' -- Thomas Hobbes, 'I dated a guy like that once.'

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

'Sometimes it's not a very good idea to be indecisive.'

'On second thought, dear, could you toss me the car keys?'

Dynamic Decision Makers: Will Probably Be back in an Hour or so

"I'm not attracted to him and we don't get along, but the timing is right."

'Make up your mind, M'sieur — a hundred years from now, what difference will it make what you had for lunch today?'

"I spent all last year totally paralyzed with indecision about a career - isn't that some kinda tax deduction?"

'Last week I offered to bring Bixby into the decision-making process, and he's still dithering about it!'

"I did say I wanted to get married, but that was a false positive."

"This might or might not be a job for noncommittal man?"

"Could you handle this...I'm all decisioned-out for today."

"It didn't work."

"Adultery is like quantum mechanics, hon. It only exists when you see it."

"He's lying! Just like all men! Oh God, mother was right, I'm never getting married, am I?"

'Er, hello dear, can I help it if the poor girl is hard of hearing?' (gulp!)

'I'm switching to another provider,dear.'

"'No' to that, too, eh? Then, may I suggest something we were going to throw out?"

"To her, every channel is the Whether Channel."

Road signs reading 'back to work', 'back to school' and 'go crazy at home'.

"Laura, I was wondering if we could continue our marriage through Facebook?"

"How come I always pick the bastards?"

'The divorce was ugly, but not as ugly as the marriage.'

"Bob takes too long to make a decision. Let's ask Phil."

"Honey, I can’t find it … they have too many Greek yogurts. No, I’m not crying!"

'You're breaking your mothers heart, Vinnie! Would it kill you to settle down with a nice girl like Nancy?'

'He's buffering at the buffet again.'

"I want to break up, but he's got an espresso machine."