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"There's nothing much on tonight. D'you fancy an early headache?"

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

WHIRLWIND COURTSHIP

Hammer and Anvil.

"It's my autobiography. I call it, 'I Married Her For Her Money, And Other Gross Miscalculations'."

'Actually thursday'll be a perfect time to come by Penny. That way you'll finally get the chance to meet my other half.'

'I'm leaving my wife because of another woman. Her mother.'

Don & DixieKiss No. 274385

Revenge Graffiti.

"I'm sorry your wife doesn't understand you, but this is a dry cleaner's."

“Stop avoiding me. I know when you are sleeping. I know when you are awake.”

'I swear I didn't know you'd heard that joke before...'

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"

'I know we're supposed to be Lovebirds, but a bit of privacy from time to time would be nice...'

"Can I start you all off with my cheesy alimony saga?"

"Of course you don't look anything like your reflection in the mirror."

"This is a good start! You both agree that the marriage needs some new spark!"

That Pesky 'Why' Chromosome.

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

"I dumped my stable companion, he was seeing another pony!"

I was expecting something else when you said nuptial agreement!

'You're becoming so distant, Els!'

“It’s 2025 Roger, I didn’t think I’d still be seeing the lockdown beard..”

"You mean the rumours she dated a Flamingo are true?"

"If you two lovebirds could wrap it up I'd like to pee there please and thank you."

"I picked him up cheap on eBay."

'And I thought I was leaving you.'

'Oh, pretty good. At least I'm not hearing voices telling me what to do anymore. . . got fired and divorced.'

"Can Hilary come out to abstain from having sex?"

"Last week, actually – thanks for noticing."

'Apparently my ex's idea of heaven was to punch me in the eye.'

"I should let you know, you accidentally forwarded THAT mail to me."

'Admit it! you're seeing another woman aren't you?'