Relationship Changes Pillows

This could be worse than the GFC...an emotional Santa logs on and de-friends Rudolph.'

"You've changed."

"We've elected to uninstall our wedding vows."

"What happened to us? Things got weird during COVID is what happened to us."

'Greetings cards' from 'annulment' to 'vasectomy'

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

'Bad news I'm afraid Mrs Cleveland. Your husband and I are entering into a same-sex partnership.'

'I think we should just be friends.'

'I baby-proofed the bedroom while you were gone.'

"A Therapist didn't save my marriage. A plumber and a second bathroom saved my marriage!"

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

In the Guru District

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

When Ted and Nancy would dance, it was as if they were the only couple on the floor....

Life is for the birds.

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

Love at First Sight

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

"You do like octopus?"