Rejection Renegade Pillows

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."

BLACK HOLES, the space path of least resistance.

"HR think we need to look again at your recruitment strategy."

"I wish you would actually sell one of these novels...all these returned manuscripts are giving me backaches!"

"Let's change table stakes to vacation days."

'Have you figured out our New Year's resolution?'

'Oh, sure -- NOW you set boundaries!'

'I'll say one thing about your manuscript, Mr.Jackson - it's very shreddable.'

'She kept pinching the Vicar's bum!'

'Mr Evans, I think we'd better reconsider our no-smoking policy.'

Female Dominance.

"Brian, isn't Dry January and Veganuary enough?!!"

Marriage therapist's office is filled with erotic art.

'I have an even better idea, Steve -- let's get married without living together!'

Hot pink (and purple) monkey love!

"Why always a book report? Why not ever a TV show report?"

'I think it's fair to say we're opposed to tame sex marriage.'

'How long have you been submitting novels, Grandad?'

'I can't read my New Year's resolutions -- I must have spilled beer on them last night.'

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

"Where do you keep the non-educational stuff?"

Harold finally decided to take his psychiatrist's advice to become more receptive.

'It's from the New Yorker, I've been rejected 200 times, once for each word.'

'My Ed is a lawyer. All of his New Year's resolutions have escape clauses.'

"And after I'm through with this, I'll show you the exciting array of other body-piercing services we're now offering!"

Leonardo Meets the I.R.S.

"You know how to whistle, don't you? Just pick up the phone and call the S.E.C."

'Eat. Sleep all winter. These are your resolutions?'

Cluster Catastrophe

TV tie-in book signpost.

It says 'item is returnable if repackaged exactly as sent.'"

"It starts out with a standard romantic plot: Boy meets Girl, Boy loses Girl, wins her back, Girl kills Boy, devours his head and lays eggs in his carcass. Ok, now here's the twist..."

'Do I look as though I want to play Monopoly?'