Rehab Graduates Pillows

"Hi, my name is Sylvia, and it's been 36 hours since I bought anything online."

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

"Maps to stars' rehab centers."

Substance Abuse Seminar: How Not To Get Hooked!

Humpty Dumpty in Occupational Therapy

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

"Cops don't get me. Sure, they got me – but they'll ever get me."

"Here they come: Detox and Botox."

"It's my 30-day chip. One month catnip free."

'Unfortunately our definition of 'job' differs.'

'Before I quit I couldn't even spell rehabilitation.'

Graduate

"Can you send me a detailed list of knee exercises I could do at home but won't because I have no discipline."

"Seriously, this can't be the only stretch you know."

"And they'll remain in captivity until they are fully rehabilitated and able to fly again."

Physiotherapist tells Humpty Dumpty: 'OK, you've had a great fall, but we'll have you back on that wall in no time.'

'An MBA from Harvard is quite impressive. But you'll still have to start off at the bottom here. You start serving coffee in the cafeteria on Monday.'

"Were you referred to us by your doctor or publicist?"

Addiction Research Centre.

Real Hopscotch: 'A 12-Step Program for the addiction to scotch.'

"She made her hat in rehab."

"Yeah, he's in rehab, but for the right role I can spring him."

"Prose & Cons."

'They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no no no.'

"When I google myself, the only thing that comes up is my arrest record."

'My automatic page turner went wild, so now I'm having to learn to speed read.'

"In terms of career guidance, access to A-list talent, and studio relationships, you couldn't sign with a better rehab clinic."

'Taking up knitting has been good therapy for you.'

Bob walked away from the halfway house – but only got halfway.

Twelve step program.

'...and so, after rehab, Snow White married the prince, and lived one day at a time ever after.'

'Does it hurt when I do this?'

'Excuse me - any news of my rehabilitation programme?'

"My wife always said I'd end up mixing with the rich and famous."

'Doctor, this isn't what I thought you had in mind when you said you were working on computer assisted walking.'