Reflective Conversationalist T-Shirts

"My salad days have all turned to coleslaw..."

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

'...can you tell me how to blame Obama for all that?'

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

A lesson in wit

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

Hi, I work at the admissions office of the local university. If you could change the world in three days, what would you do?

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

Statue of Christopher Columbus

'Back in 1956 you were the youngest Briton to cover the Hungarian uprising. You are presently writing your memoirs in Sardinia. First question: how do you feel about the sorry state the London Underground is in?'

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

'The secret is to invite good talkers and good listeners and a good laugh track.'

'But enough about me...Let's talk about you!'

Prisoner speech

"Bob's into politics. Date Night is more like Debate Night."

'No idea. He's been there for as long as I can remember.'

Bla Bla Bla

'...I said, well now that they've reached saturation point at least they're not making so many...'

'He was too chatty. I don't like small talk. Too much gibber, not enough jabber.'