Referee Realist Pillows

'Hey, I understand your frustration, OK? But if I didn't see it happen, I can't call it.'

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"We end our Newscast with a happy story tonight."

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

"Could you spare some change for a guy fresh off welfare?"

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"It was only when I started to write the story of my life that I realised I'd forgotten to have one."

"The bad news is that we've had to cut most of the services. . . The good news is that we can now tell people in 23 languages what we don't do anymore!"

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

"My new year's resolution. . . .Not to drink out of the toilet."

The Dungeon

'I can't read my New Year's resolutions -- I must have spilled beer on them last night.'

"Those image resolutions are crystal clear, but it's my New Year's resolutions that are getting pretty fuzzy."

Dear Diary...Resolutions

"My primary challenge is to strip away the hardened carapace of societal expectations..."

Who am I kidding?

"It's no good, Martin, it's still in the room."

"You can be anything!". . . "Take whatever you can get."

"That's Terri and Kip. . . our Imaginators. And over here is Al. He's our Get-real-inator."

'I tried for a new lease on life, but I got a lousy credit report.'

"The glass is half full."

Japanese disaster