Referee Realist Pillows

'Hey, I understand your frustration, OK? But if I didn't see it happen, I can't call it.'

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"We end our Newscast with a happy story tonight."

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

"Could you spare some change for a guy fresh off welfare?"

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

"It was only when I started to write the story of my life that I realised I'd forgotten to have one."

Dear Sadie, I'm just an aging Baby-Boomer who still believes in America, and sees all the good around me, but I don't understand why we've become so mean. How can I feel good about us again? Signed, Marlemarion. Great question. There's an easy answer as to how you can feel better about the world. Change your name to something normal! I just don't agree with the @#$% premise that we've gotten mean.

Inbox and Outbox

"The bad news is that we've had to cut most of the services. . . The good news is that we can now tell people in 23 languages what we don't do anymore!"

Three years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she could deal with her midlife crisis. You should try a radical makeover. When I hit midlife, I dyed my hair, got some tattoos, and dropped 75 pounds. My husband barely recognized me when he returned from overseas. He was not happy with my "new self," so I divorced him rather than change who I'd become. It was the best decision I'd made since I cut my thieving mother out

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

"My new year's resolution. . . .Not to drink out of the toilet."

Dear Diary...Resolutions

The Dungeon

"My primary challenge is to strip away the hardened carapace of societal expectations..."

"It breaks my heart to see you stressed out here at work, so you're fired."

"Those image resolutions are crystal clear, but it's my New Year's resolutions that are getting pretty fuzzy."

'I can't read my New Year's resolutions -- I must have spilled beer on them last night.'

Who am I kidding?

"It's no good, Martin, it's still in the room."

"The glass is half full."

Japanese disaster

"You can be anything!". . . "Take whatever you can get."

'I tried for a new lease on life, but I got a lousy credit report.'