Red Tape Navigators Gifts

Tax Auditor door sign / Out to get you ? back in one hour.

'Where would we be without the right documentation?'

Planning officer has a man in his in-tray: 'In order to speed up the system, I have my own personal member of the public to consult.'

Regulators claim practices are overloaded with patient surveys.

'When a patient is clearly in need of personal care it's imperative that you call a care assistant urgently!'

"This business is completely customer focused, and we have the paperwork to prove it!"

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

Quality Control

'I think we'd be more confident about meeting our targets if we could work out what they were!'

Moses holds up new federal regulation guidelines.

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

'...and at this point I'm afraid the tax laws become totally theoretical.'

'Should be home soon. I'm just clearing away the usual paperwork.'

"These are just the guidelines, the forms are in the truck outside!"

Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork...

"No, it's no mistake. There is no out."

"Providing great customer care is of course important, but shall we start with how you manage forms TG-45S through to NSD-89b."

How Many It Takes

An astronaut sees a sign saying zoning in force.

'I was just ringing to see if you'd got the email about my letter.'

"We need warning stickers on this side warning not to ignore all the other warning stickers on the other side."

He waited for the next wave of regulations to arrive.

"I told my manager that I couldn't cope with the endless mind numbing paperwork. I said I'd had enough of the bureaucracy, that I had to get out."

Fed up with unnecessary bureaucracy?...what people don't appreciate is that if they don't fill out their C90D then how can we POSSIBLY know how many C90ds there ARE!

"Staff are always complaining about supposed bureaucracy, but if no one completed form M74/cd3 then how would we know how many M74/cd3’s had been filled out!"

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

"Ah, you'll be wanting our red tape department, third door on the left!"

'The government is keen not to interfere with private enterprise.'

Bureaucraze...

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to get approval from the offices of Terminology, Evidence, Proof of Demand, Documentation, Measurement and Predictions before I can even think about signing off."

'They've dealyed our IPO so long that we've gone from intending to open a chain of pre-schools to opening a chain of nursing homes.'

Colin finds it difficult to let go of paperwork.

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs