Recovering From Heart Surgery Pillows

"This new pacemaker is designed for your heart, it also streams Wikipedia information directly to your brain."

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

"The good news is that your cardiac surgery was a complete success. The bad news is that we had to remove the song from your heart."

They've been inseparable since the avalanche.

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

En garde!

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

EAR, NOSE AND THROAT CLINIC: "You want me to drive?"

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

'Henry had a successful animal organ transplant - isn't that right, Henry?'

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."

'While doing the ' Hoxey-Pokey' I put my right hip in...I put my right hip out, and rhat's where it stayed!'