Heart Surgery Recovery Pillows

"I would not recommend you bypass heart surgery."

'I installed a primer. Press it 3 times in the morning and you should start up on the first try.'

'When I run in place for 30 seconds, my pacemaker opens the garage door.'

"I owe it all to my pacemaker."

"The good news is that your cardiac surgery was a complete success. The bad news is that we had to remove the song from your heart."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

'You seem rather ungrateful Mr. Jenkins. This new drug means you'll never have hayfever again.'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."

En garde!

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

EAR, NOSE AND THROAT CLINIC: "You want me to drive?"

'Henry had a successful animal organ transplant - isn't that right, Henry?'

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."