Heart Surgery Recovery Pillows

"I would not recommend you bypass heart surgery."

'I installed a primer. Press it 3 times in the morning and you should start up on the first try.'

'When I run in place for 30 seconds, my pacemaker opens the garage door.'

'It's a classy coronary ward. They turn down the sheets and put a statin on your pillow.'

"I owe it all to my pacemaker."

"The good news is that your cardiac surgery was a complete success. The bad news is that we had to remove the song from your heart."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

'You seem rather ungrateful Mr. Jenkins. This new drug means you'll never have hayfever again.'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

En garde!

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."