Reciprocity Analyst Pillows

'He pats my back, but I don't pat his.'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

Awkward First Dates

"Men can keep a secret, but it takes a woman to tell them that it was supposed to be a secret!"

"So, how are we doing with our trust issues?"

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

Relationships.

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

'At last, the newly discovered films of Woody Alien.'

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

(Diamonds shining, … Dancing, dining, …with some man in a restaurant. Is that all you really want?) (Are you making this up?) (Unsophisticated Lady)

"I'm ready to go whenever you're through fussing with tablescapes."

"Oh darling! I just got your wonderful value added proposition! Of course I'll marry you!"

"I've had you appraised."

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"I miss the way it was when I thought you knew everything."

"Will the role of wife call for any nudity?"

"She's got money and he's a 'poet'."

"Remember that lovely couple of scarlet macaws we met in Puerto Jiménez? They split up!"

'First date with a logician - These venn Diagrams will save us a lot of time. We'll see where you fit in, where I fit in, and if any of it overlaps'

'And that, in a nutshell, is why men don't understand women.'

"I need a more interactive you."

"You can't let the tick birds continue to define you."

"With Harry all options are on the table, including pointlessly looking for a job that doesn't exist for him anymore."

Deconstructionist girlfriend

"Wait ... I always thought taking each other for granted was a good thing!"

"Don't even think about it."