Reciprocity Analyst Pillows

'He pats my back, but I don't pat his.'

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

"Men can keep a secret, but it takes a woman to tell them that it was supposed to be a secret!"

Awkward First Dates

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

Relationships.

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

'At last, the newly discovered films of Woody Alien.'

"I'm ready to go whenever you're through fussing with tablescapes."

"I've had you appraised."

"Oh darling! I just got your wonderful value added proposition! Of course I'll marry you!"

"Remember that lovely couple of scarlet macaws we met in Puerto Jiménez? They split up!"

"I miss the way it was when I thought you knew everything."

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"She's got money and he's a 'poet'."

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

"Will the role of wife call for any nudity?"

'First date with a logician - These venn Diagrams will save us a lot of time. We'll see where you fit in, where I fit in, and if any of it overlaps'

'And that, in a nutshell, is why men don't understand women.'

"I need a more interactive you."

"You can't let the tick birds continue to define you."

Deconstructionist girlfriend

"With Harry all options are on the table, including pointlessly looking for a job that doesn't exist for him anymore."

"Are you uncomfortable discussing this because I'm a man or because I'm your husband?"

"Don't even think about it."

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"