Recipe Creation Pillows

'Do you have a traditional Christmas dinner, but for a lacto-vegan fruitarian?'

Have you got some E98 and E695 for 'Ma Traffords home baked apple pie'?

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Don't ever tell me how to cook again!"

'Tomato Surprise. Bean Surprise. Carrot Surprise. Why are you always so surprised when my garden produces?'

"But but ... if we remove all the additives there'll be nothing left!"

"Oh, but we could be so good together...!"

Culinary Breakthroughs During Social Distancing

"Another Bermudez family specialty is born!"

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

'The gravy turned out a bit thick.'

'Beat 3,000 eggs and add one quart of 10-30W oil? So much for putting my recipes on the computer.'

'What the devil is that?' - 'I don't know, I haven't named it yet.'

'I know it's daring, but I always try one new recipe for Thanksgiving dinner.'

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

Veggie Hamburgers & Hotdogs. . .Ingredients: vegetables & vegetable byproducts.

"Can you come by Table Seven? They have some edits for the chicken."

The spontaneous gourmet

"Great invention, but it does make you a bit of a rubbish shepherd."

Funky Chef 1

Missing ingredient.

Last Will and Testament: Salt, Pepper, Tarragon, Garlic.

Five seconds before the first turducken.

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

A woman standing beside a stove full of steaming pots and pans.

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'I ran out of sugar, so I used salt.'

Before/After

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

"Yo - I'm way overdone in here!"

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet