Recently Widowed Pillows

"... and to my husband I leave f*** all!"

"Actually, I'm not long back on the dating scene myself."

"I don't know about you, but I'm ready to take this marriage full-throttle."

"It was romantic during dinner, but now it's getting kind of creepy."

"I can't wait to introduce you to all the people I used to be friends with, before I started spending all my time with you."

Marriage least expected to last...

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

Couple who have confused their baby's pram and the lawn mower.

"Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

'Take my advice kid. Enjoy yourself now, because once you get married, your free ranging days are over.'

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

"Maybe I'm not the best choice to ask if your silly wife cartoons are funny!"

'You should have seen the one that got away!'

"Goodness! These tomatoes look so good!"

Cheap amusement with... THE HAPPY COUPLE!

"I wish I'd had the eye test before I got married."

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

"Ok, I get it, you're happy and you know it. Now quit clapping."

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

"You've done an absolutely fabulous job with the house, Anne, and Gordon's so improved!"

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

"Does it say 'I'm ovulating'?"

"Marriage and relationships?...That would be under 'Arts and Science'!"

'You were right, Mum - he only wants me for one thing!'

"The toaster your brother gave us is beginning to get on my nerves."

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

'Well if you wanted a garden shed made out of wood or brick, then you should have married one of my brothers!'

"You can count on my unloading the dishwasher in any number of alternate timelines. Now whether it occurs in this one..."

'Answer me one question, would you?' 'O.K.' 'Do you still love me?' 'That's two!'

"Look, hon, I know both of our schedules have been crazy, but I still think we should take time out to consummate our marriage."

Health and Safety to Ban Marriage

"Am i just a stepping-stone to a career in show business?"