Recent Surgery Experience Pillows

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

En garde!

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

'Henry had a successful animal organ transplant - isn't that right, Henry?'

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."

Rip Van Winkle, "He's survived the operation, now he's sleeping peacefully."

'We can always hope he's a zombie.'

"There were some squiggly bits left over after the operation, so we gave you a doggie bag."

'The surgery is expensive. We'll have to numb you from the wallet down.'

'You'll be awake during the entire procedure...but no peeking!'

The incomplete Angler

'You'd look sad too if there had been a strong earthquake during your vasectomy.'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

"I'll have someone come in and prep you for the bill."

'Just another couple of pages.'

'Will the surgery leave a scar?'

'You have an 85% chance of surviving this and 20% chance of wishing you hadn't.'

"What should we do with this extra part?"

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'Now dear, it may be Thanksgiving, but stop referring to your aunt's gallbladder as a giblet.'

"It wasn't a carcinoma at all- it was just an itty-bitty attorney."

"You're going to require a hip hop replacement."