Receiving An Honor Pillows

Mick Jagger Knighthood - "I wish he'd keep still..I'll have his flaming ear off in a minute!"

Keyworker

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

Employee of the Month

Summa cum latte.

On the cusp of winning the Nobel, Bernie gets exposed by his third grade handwriting teacher.

"Oh my goodness. My lecture on John Donne has just been awarded Most Pizzazzy Metaphysical Lecture of the Year."

'Wow! Oh, wait -- It's only a Nobel consolation prize.'

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

Bumper Stickers on a Cowboy's Horse

'My thanks go first to the Nobel Committee for this great honor, and to my son who encouraged me to keep my mind agile with word games, and puzzles.'

'And I would like to thank all those people who helped me write this book...'

'And this one I got for the improvements I made in camouflage.'

'I'm Stacey, whose mother is the proud parent of an honor student.'

Sue Perkins

Greta Thunberg wins German TV prize...

'Mom, Dad, it's nice of you to visit me at the store, but you know, I am working.'

'You've won a business award.' ('for gobbledegook')

'... and I almost want to thank my pharmacist.'

Army general with a support for his medals.

'I've received celebrity status!'

"...And I'd like to thank all the little people whom I stepped on in order to get to where I am..."

Substitute Teacher of the Year Award.

'Really, this award has come as a great surprise...'

'The Mayor gave me the security key to the city.'

For service to services...

"His acceptance speech was only 140 characterslong."

'He has mixed feelings about the trophy — it's a lifetime achievement award from the Anarchists' Association.'

"I accept this award...for my team...who are cheering way too loudly."

"Well, for starters I'd like to thank me."

'This one's a hood ornament. I got it for carpooling.'

'Abramowitz and Lowenstein, you've certainly earned this, but unfortunately we don't have enough room on the letterhead... Smith, congratulations!'

"Oh look, how utterly ridiculous - you're on the honours list!"