Receiving A Pardon Pillows

'Do you have any 'Congratulations on Your Presidential Pardon's' cards?'

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"Well, sure. We could hire some Temps, but they only live about ten days."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

'Please forgive me for anything I've said or left unsaid.'

"She can forgive Nixon, but she can't forgive me."

'No, I didn't get a presidential pardon, but I got something better. God has forgiven me.'

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

Very sorry

"Lately, I've begun to understand - and forgive - my parents."

Priest says to man in confessional: 'Blah-de-blah ... come on, get to the good stuff!'

"Oops! MY mistake, that was the yearly expense estimate, not the monthly estimate."

"Why not become a prison officer when you're released, Dobson? We need 2,000 new prison officers; the government's keen to provide employment for ex-offenders plus you know the ropes."

'Credit crunch? Wassat then?'

Turkey pardoned by Trump still faces state charges.

"They claim they're being used as pawns and are filing a lawsuit."

'It was March, 1842. I said, ‘Walter, you can't stay mad FOREVER!''

Turned the other cheek

'This is a list of all the things you need to do around the house when you get your parole.'

'Admit it - you've been worried since you were flashed by that speed camera...'

'It's for you.'

"I'm pleased to say you have passed the trial period and exceeded our expectations."

'Oh, I will remember alright, but don't worry, I don't hold grudges...'

'Whoa...D?j? vu.'

Apology Cards

"I used to bully him until one day we were both standing in front of a mirror and I saw the size difference. Luckily, patience and forgiveness are two of his qualities."

"The unprovoked attack when you were younger? You have to forgive yourself for that."

Forgiveness

'My wife says I take all the romance out of our conjugal visits.'

'That's the guy who ran over Mom last week. He has some nerve coming back here. And a bag of nuts.'