Rebellious Drinker Pillows

"This wine has hints of rebellion with a lingering finish of rugged individuality - did you buy this to defy me?"

'You wanna play another round?' 'Sure....tender, another round!'

Happy Hour

"An everything Martini, please."

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

"Stop with this mathematics dictatorship."

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"Just for once, why don't we forget the poor and blow the lot down the local tavern?"

"Seventy-five isn't the new anything."

My dad's doing flowers for a huge sweet 16 party. Everyone's invited except me! Who cares? It's probably some loser who couldn't get anyone to come over without going over the top. Thanks, Em! You know what's important. Plus! We'll figure out whose party it is and crash it! You're my spiritual guide.

"Physician heal thyself."

Banksy

"And while you're waiting for your drinks can I get you something from the bar?"

'Don't drink on an empty head.'

Beer versus Wine

'Single or double?'

"The bad news is my doctor limited me to one glass of wine per day. The good news is I get to pick the glass."

'All the fourth grade guys took a blood oath not to learn anything during the summer.'

High School. I was suspended for throwing a Robert Frost book. They didn't see that it was performance - poetry in motion.

"I was deadwood but I'm out of a job. I guess I'm driftwood."

'Mom took all the good rebellion stuff.'

'No! Forging a note from your parents does not count as creative writing!'

'I'm having what he's having.'

"India ink, straight."

"You know…feces throwing just doesn't seem as politically incorrect as it used to."

"And a bag of peanuts."

'There's a machine now that tells you when to stop drinking. It's called a cash point machine.'

"There were gasps of horror as Nigel appeared holding a mug of coffee."

"Can't keep away, eh...?"

Beefeater cocktail

Christmas drinker

'I drink so much alcohol I'm afraid to smoke!'