Reality Twister Pillows

'You call it a lie. I think of it as augmented reality.'

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

"I don't have the lip for saxaphone."

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

Astronaut runs on spinning asteroid to reach space shuttle's tether.

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

"Okay! Okay! It's a draw!"

Curtsey

The Cricketer and the Golfer

'If we are to reorientate our forward facing rhetorical platform we must rephrase our message to cross fertilise the core message..holistically!'

Hanukkah tree

'Obviously, I know a lot of weasel words, so I would be great in a business development role...'

"I told you we should have had separate trials."

"No bouquet toss for this bride. She's shooting it out of a cannon."

"You may now kiss the... Oh, I see you have already done that!"

Mono-Tasking, Multi-Tasking, No-No Tasking and Nada Tasking.

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

Jack and the Beanstalk.

'I still have time for both work and family - thanks to cloning.'

"Architectural Digest calls it 'Twilight chic.'"

"I have a movie plot idea... A girl is kidnapped at birth. She's threatened, oppressed, and lives in constant fear. Here's the twist - the kidnapper is only in her mind."

"No, wait. What if the cop character is the murderer, and the mobster guy is completely innocent?"

Polo pony

"Well, I was under oath, so I couldn't lie outright, but I'm a weasel of course, so I have a way with words..."

'I started at the bottom, running mazes in the lab.'

Manager. Managing a political campaign and a baseball team are alike in many ways. A campaign is launched with a "first pitch," when a candidate gives a speech selling himself or herself. I change pitchers based on the game situation. In politics and baseball, sometimes it's best to come from the right side and sometimes it's best to come from the left side. We study our competitors' weaknesses and exploit those. In politics we call that "opposition research." And I don't worry about the

"Rabbi Mandelbaum?"

Elevator choices: Up, Down, Different Narrative.

"He'd torch the castle and I'd rescue the damsel."

"Nothing wrong with half-truths...you still have 50% to manipulate."

"This weekend is seriously messing with some of my previously held beliefs."

"It's structured as a set of two parallel stories that no one would ever want to read."

'He's calling Running Bear on his mobile.'