Reality Twister Pillows

'You call it a lie. I think of it as augmented reality.'

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

"I don't have the lip for saxaphone."

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

Astronaut runs on spinning asteroid to reach space shuttle's tether.

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

"Okay! Okay! It's a draw!"

Curtsey

The Cricketer and the Golfer

'If we are to reorientate our forward facing rhetorical platform we must rephrase our message to cross fertilise the core message..holistically!'

Hanukkah tree

'Obviously, I know a lot of weasel words, so I would be great in a business development role...'

"I told you we should have had separate trials."

"You may now kiss the... Oh, I see you have already done that!"

"No bouquet toss for this bride. She's shooting it out of a cannon."

'I still have time for both work and family - thanks to cloning.'

Jack and the Beanstalk.

Mono-Tasking, Multi-Tasking, No-No Tasking and Nada Tasking.

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

"Architectural Digest calls it 'Twilight chic.'"

"I have a movie plot idea... A girl is kidnapped at birth. She's threatened, oppressed, and lives in constant fear. Here's the twist - the kidnapper is only in her mind."

"No, wait. What if the cop character is the murderer, and the mobster guy is completely innocent?"

'I started at the bottom, running mazes in the lab.'

"Well, I was under oath, so I couldn't lie outright, but I'm a weasel of course, so I have a way with words..."

"Rabbi Mandelbaum?"

Elevator choices: Up, Down, Different Narrative.

"He'd torch the castle and I'd rescue the damsel."

"Nothing wrong with half-truths...you still have 50% to manipulate."

"This weekend is seriously messing with some of my previously held beliefs."

"It's structured as a set of two parallel stories that no one would ever want to read."

'I can't seem to find the 'surprise' ending.'

'He's calling Running Bear on his mobile.'