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Reality TV

'No, it's not another oil spill. It's the cast of Jersey Shore with all their hair grease.'

'Oh, yes, my knee is fine. It's reality tv that's killing me.'

Next: I'm STILL a 'D' list celebrity - sack my agent!

Drinking with the stars.

"Before I book you in, would you sign this TV contract..?"

"Sorry, Steve, but Brad and I have voted you off the island."

Jeremy Kyle: 'I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus!'

This reality TV is getting out of hand.

'Watching a lot of reality shows doesn't make you a realist!'

Park and Pimp My Ride.

'We can't get enough of these makeover shows.'

"Find something dumb. Really dumb. I'm in the mood."

'I am just going to watch Strictly Come Dancing.'

'Ooh, you're so bad!'

Love Island

Battle chefs

'Good grief! Everybody is a celebrity - there are no people left.'

'My client is a celebrity, Your Honor. She wants to do a reality show for her community service.'

'After chefs and estate agents we're hoping undertakers will be the next celebrity profession.'

My flesh and blood � watching a reality tv show. Welcome to America, mom. This country is hopelessly divided. Now, now. The gulf between me and you gardening addicts isn't that big! The gulf between reality tv fans and sane people is. Sanity. So overrated.

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

"Davina McCall: Life at the Extreme takes a celebrity to the most extreme places on Earth!"

Showbiz Awards

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

American Idle.

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"Here's the deal, boys. We need to see a little more bickering. We're doing a Reality Show."

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