Reality Appreciator T-Shirts

"Of course I'm aware of reality! I mean, we met in St. Thomas, got engaged in Austria, announced it in London and now we're getting married in the Flatbush Jewish Center!"

Sometimes he just stood back and admired the breathtaking scenery of his life.

"You're not the same pupa you were when we first met."

"You've changed."

"Don't you find her work just so wonderfully liberating!"

New from Low-Key Press.

"My kid could do that."

"I'm the bluebird of low expectations."

'What if I promise not to look?'

Late-Onset Epiphany

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

'Now that's what I call a beautiful fit.'

Dog Realtor

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

Been in advertising long?

"The magic's still there, but the sex is terrible."

'I'm jumping into a black hole!'

'You can be replaced by Harry Potter, you know!'

Painting the Sistine Chapel. 1508. 1509. 1510. 1511. 1512. It looks great, Michelangelo, but there's one thing I don't understand. Why didn't you just paint it in the regular way and then mount it on the ceiling?

Life is just four letters...

Great Urban Sprawl

'To enable them to provide the service we require the procurement team have submitted a request for seven wands, a crystal ball and a time machine...'

'On second thoughts, scratch that positive prognosis. Neville's having one of his intuitive gut-feelings about this one...'

Common Dodo!

"Enjoy your youth. Soon you'll be an old cynic like me with nothing worth barking at."

Perpetual Motion.

"I don't know a damn thing about art, but my back hasn't felt this good in years."

Michelangelo's David

The singular joy of living with a person who routinely glimpses the miraculous in the mundane.

Noah's Ark Being Towed.

'This Valentine's, Ted and I are just giving each other more space.'

Dinosaurs were once considered slow dimwitted louts, but over the years that image has changed.

"I think I was a caterpillar!"

There's no cure for birth and death, so you may as well enjoy the interval!

"I passed the eye exam! I am now qualified to do watch duty!"