Real Estate Rookie Gifts

'Now that we've adjusted to the dampness, we just love this house.'

New home - should have got a survey.

"I'm getting a little itchy to redo the bedroom!"

Children discussing investment opportunities - 'They're playing house.'

'Come and have a word with him, Tom. He's put all his pocket money in real estate, again!'

'You misunderstand. When I said, Put your money in land....'

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

"And this is a $20,000 ‘meditation room’ — can you believe it?!!"

"But there's no way in hell I could afford Jupiter today."

The stages of gentrification: a guide

Travellers with a developer: 'I see ski slopes.'

Of course, the rent on the fourth floor is considerably higher.

"A home recently sold in my neighborhood."

"I've invested in property..."

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

Once again overbudget and past dealine, the predatory boa constractor adroitly squeezes the life from its victim's wallet.

"May I recommend THIS property? It's ideal for first-time haunters..."

'Hmmph. Here's an ad for affordable housing five minutes from downtown. By what means? Learjet?'

'Do you have any properties with a termite infestation?'

"A hole half this size sold for 340,000 acorns last week! No inspection!"

Somewhere in France: "I thought I was buying goat cheese. I endedup with a chateau in the Loire."

'For Sale by Neighbor'

"Great for worship then! Great for retail now!"

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

"It's nice, but does it have a batcave?"

'Honey, it's the escrow people. They want to know if you could send a stool sample.'

'The owner plays in the NBA.'

'I told my wife to run the house like a business. So she sold it to an American corporation.'

"At last we own our own apartment. I feel like a king."

A large bird house with many compartments; one is labeled "Sup't.".