Real Estate Ponderers Pillows

"With city rents stratospheric the filing cabinet is all she could afford!"

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

'At least I don't have his life.'

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

"This one has nicer sand, but I think I prefer the tree on the last one we saw."

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

Have you seen my money?

"All of my friends are imaginary."

"So, tell me what happened after this Schrodinger put you in this box..."

"You've got termites."

See the house whose property taxes were raised

'You have to admire the way Hartley overcame his honesty and integrity to get to the top.'

"Congratulations you've escaped. Now what?"

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

"Forget keeping all your eggs in one basket. What you need is a nest egg..."

Common stock, Preferred stock, Private stock.

Wall Street walking traffic sign flashes 'Worry' and 'Don't Worry.'

'One might say the market's gone from the sub-prime to the iniquitous!'

"That's way out of my price range..."

'Does that mean things are getting better or worse?'

'Ms. Booth, your portfolio is full of sound and fury signifying zero returns.'

'Look, they're slowing down.'

"Why does my investment portfolio have a toe tag?"

"As requested, we're going to go over you retirement fund, so, if at all possible, let's hold questions until I have finished and I'm out in the parking lot starting my car."

"Those days of being able to sell any old c**p have long gone!"

"I envy you. I'd love to have a house with a fireplace."

Have you been undressing me with your eyes? It's okay, I'm a doctor

Land Sale

"Their entire friendship is based on regret over property they SHOULD have bought when it was affordable."

"Is it me or is this mini home trend getting out of control?"

A. Einstein. E = MC2. Yes, I do space-time research, but that doesn't mean I know how to get you out of your timeshare contract.