Real Estate Dealmaker Gifts

'Forget my mortgage application, fill this bag with money. I've decided to make a cash offer!'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

Man with 'Real Ale' written on t-shirt, woman with 'Real Pine' written on rolling pin

"We structured the deal so it won't make any sense to you."

Do you want to win the game or my business?

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

"You are aware that we try to make money here, yes?"

"He'll never win this negotiation. He's saddled with numbers...but we have anecdotes."

"Does it ever cross your mind that we make a lot of money because no one else wants to do what we do?"

'Now think, Harris, what did you do different on that day?'

'First, the Rules of Engagement for this meeting ...'

It's a deal. You give me five analysts, three pundits, seven technicians and a soothsayer. I give you six experts, five professors, four consultants and a prognosticator.

'You've got just 2 minutes to pack then you are on OUR time and I'm going to start charging you rent!'

...and if the Chairman rings, find out who he is.

'In conclusion; our major contract expires tomorrow, we have no idea what we want, and no knowledge of the market, It is time to pass this across to the Procurement Team...'

"Take the severance package, Hayward. The rest of the board wanted a ritual slaying."

'No hostile takeover bids beyond this point.'

The merger hits a snag.

'It must be a risky proposal... legal is running it by their lawyers.'

We all know the negotiation table, but how about the negotiation chair?

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

'Stocks dropped today, proving once again that life sucks.'

"What happened to the good old days when people just breached contracts?'

"Remember, negotiating is like buying fruit. You don't know what you'll get until you squeeze 'em a bit."

'It even has its own built-in home security system!'

'That's the way I remember him...always cooking up a deal.'

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'

Updated Classic: Bleak House Sales

"It sounds good so far, are there any strings attached?"

"I came, I saw I takeovered."

"I was hoping we could avoid the middleman"

"Don't anybody move: this is a merger."

"It's in move-in condition."