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Moses on the web

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"If I'd known we'd be this long wandering the wilderness I would never have worn these heels."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

'No room at the inn, baby born in a manger: It's gonna be a great story to tell at parties...'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

'Hello Colin, I'm Arthur, any idea what all the fuss is about?'

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"Seriously, I used to be the staff of a guy named Moses, man the stories I could tell..."

Christian and Born again Christian...

Bible Bloopers

My mother says the bible is full of good people, like Moses, who brought kindness to the world. That alone makes it a worthy basis for morality in today's world. Moses, Numbers 31:9-18(NIV), look it up.

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

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'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

"Mark, you have to stop calling John's gospel 'Fan Fiction.'"

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

"I have an app for that."

"As a child of the pastor, did you stop and think that just because you can belch the books of the Bible, should you?"

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

A vicar is reading 'The Great Begatsby' written by Abraham.

Moses parting the waves and trolleys appear on the sea bed!

To monk showing book entitled 'Brand Spanking New Testament': "I think we may have to shorten the title."