Bible Reading Pillows

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

"It sounds like Jonah went fishing, and the story got better every time he told it."

''Feet of clay'? - This was some kind of CYBORG?'

'I'm building an ark because the polar ice caps are melting.'

"And you thought you were having a bad hair day."

"Eve, how come every leaf has fallen except yours?"

"Is he gonna read the ENTIRE Book of Psalms!?! C'Mon!!!"

Moses on the web

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

"If I'd known we'd be this long wandering the wilderness I would never have worn these heels."

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

TSA Noah

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

Little Known Moments In History

'Hello Colin, I'm Arthur, any idea what all the fuss is about?'

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

'No room at the inn, baby born in a manger: It's gonna be a great story to tell at parties...'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

Bible Bloopers

"Seriously, I used to be the staff of a guy named Moses, man the stories I could tell..."

Caption Contest TK

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

My mother says the bible is full of good people, like Moses, who brought kindness to the world. That alone makes it a worthy basis for morality in today's world. Moses, Numbers 31:9-18(NIV), look it up.

Christian and Born again Christian...

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

"Mark, you have to stop calling John's gospel 'Fan Fiction.'"