Reading About Marriage Gifts

"Gays and lesbians aren't a threat to the sanctity of my marriage. It's all the straight women who sleep with my husband."

"She treats me like a god. . . forgets I exist and only talks to me when she needs something."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'Oh my God. I love it!'

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"It started with a mutual interest in martial arts and developed into an interest in marital arts."

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

Try Mediation

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

A married couple share the same pole vault.

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

The Canine's version of cans tied to the back of a wedding car driving off with Cats attached

"Since we're both being honest, I should tell you I have fleas."

"...until death do you a favor."

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

"I heard they mate for life."

"I love it when we clear up issues between us."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"This happens everytime someone asks to speak to the head of the household."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"