Rainy Day Jokester Pillows

Dave, determined to go green by using only solar powered tools, will hereafter check weather reports before making bids.

Snowprov

'Whup - giant anaconda about to attack - quick Peg, hand me something to take care of it with.'

I fart more than that!

'Well, I got a hunting license and a fishing license and by golly I'm going to use them.'

'...you said, 'it only gets a bit damp when it rains'!''

"Must get a longer cable."

Just because I'm adapted to the cold, doesn't mean I like it!

Dog wiping windscreen with tail

"My husband is fishing. . ."

Woman reading: 'How to look hot on the beach this summer.'

Two cleaners at the zoo. They are sheltering under a giraffe to get out of the rain.

Holy Relics.

"It's so warm that I'm laying hard boiled eggs."

'Let him go. We'll catch him in the backstretch. Hippos can run faster than humans, but only in short bursts.'

"We'll feel pretty silly if it's downgraded to a tropical storm."

"Our special today? Hot wings!!"

'Your turn to go for water. . .'

"Shrinkage /ˈSHriNGkij/ noun: 1. the contraction of an object when cooled, 2. the 'Naked Cowboy' in Times Square on a really cold day."

"No one knows his identity. He just turns up, cuts your grass, then departs without leaving his name. They call him the Lawn Ranger."

No U Turn.

Devil watering tails.

'A real gentleman always carries an umbrella!'

"Thank god our drinks are protected."

Annual 10K Fun Run

'And me fresh out of xanax.'

'You never run out of 'missed again' routines, do you?'

"So it's true...bears do shit in the woods."

'I told you not to wear that bearskin coat!'

'Carl! You've got a flat.'

'Pa, we got gyped on those Holsteins - It's raining and their spots are running!'

'No, not abominable. The normal kind.'

Airport Joust.

'It's frozen solid Darling: We're not meant to have aquariums...'

'Honey, there's a 37% chance I'll be home for dinner at six and a 65% chance I'll be there after eleven!'