Railway Renegade T-Shirts

Solar Storm Expected!

Ailtrack

"...He's been going to work in a wheelie bin. He says its quicker, cleaner and less cramped"

Using public transport- only protected

Network SouthEast - "Sorry?.. you mean I pay you?"

"Sorry I'm late. My train arrived on time and I wasn't expecting it!"

BLACK HOLES, the space path of least resistance.

Tractor Racing

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

How Do You Like My Moseying Along?

Ready for a run!

'Your heart's not in the job - admit you're only doing it for the money!'

The Bland Leading the Bland

Music Freak.

"That's my performance review!? Two thumbs up?"

'Looks like Ed Miliband's attempt to stop the race failed.'

-You need a permit to fish here. -I'm doing okay with a worm, thank you

'Deer and Game Crossing'.

"Over the river and through a ridiculous detour that has us in the middle of who-knows-where, to Grandfather’s house we go!"

"That last customer thinks I should fire you."

'But this IS my mobile home!'

'Say, Doc, I'll need more of that steroid stuff for old King. He's still kind of peaked. Must need some heavy doses."

"Why always a book report? Why not ever a TV show report?"

"Are you telling me you won't even ask the computerized navigational system for directions?"

Complaints (just kidding).

"You know how to whistle, don't you? Just pick up the phone and call the S.E.C."

Cluster Catastrophe

Leonardo Meets the I.R.S.

"Mr McNab gives primal scream therapy for shoplifters."

'And I got this scar when I got in a crush of plump women rushing to buy Leviathongs at the mall sale...'

"It's been redacted for security reasons."

"Well, I liked it until I read the reviews."

'The cows are out and are not expected back.'

TV tie-in book signpost.

Model Village