Railway Modeling Pillows

'I understand the chap next door is keen on model trains.'

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

"Excuse me, I think you'll find I've reserved that luggage rack space ..."

A trevor of trainspotters

'Have you been waiting long?'

'This Mouse is going to be huge!'

"'COST: shedloads, COMPLETION DATE: God knows.' Perhaps you'd care to flesh out some details for us."

'Trains traditionally run late, it rains on bank holidays and Yorkshire pudding is a main course.'

Run from the hills!

HS2

"The cost of HS2 was 115 billion, but that was when we started the interview. It's 130 now!"

Trainset

"Honesty, I saw a train yesterday"

"We've been working all the live-long fiscal year to get these numbers up, but I'm afraid some of us are working just to pass the time away."

An argument between a passenger and a train porter.

'We don't keep cash on the premises.'

S**t Creek Halt

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

Ticket machine costing an arm and a leg.

HS2 time bomb...

L.A. Transfer

'You can see the excuses in the news now, it will be 'The wrong sort of rain'!'

An old gentleman speaking with a shoeblack at a train station

'Arrivals and Departures - this railroad governed by Heisenberg's uncertainty principle'

Isambard Kingdom Brunel.

Coupler Counselling

'I know it's harrowing and distressing, but please Mr. Benson, tell me again about your daily train journey to work.'

Executive Lifestyle

'Well, if they don't go chuff chuff anymore. . . how do they go?'

"I'm ringing you because there's nobody in the carriage to annoy..."

What Holds the Subway Together?

'It's so called because I expect the ticket prices to rocket!'

Railway 'King' George Hudson

"Kevin's job as a train announcer seriously affected his love-life..."