Railway Modeling Pillows

'I understand the chap next door is keen on model trains.'

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

"Excuse me, I think you'll find I've reserved that luggage rack space ..."

A trevor of trainspotters

'Have you been waiting long?'

"'COST: shedloads, COMPLETION DATE: God knows.' Perhaps you'd care to flesh out some details for us."

'Trains traditionally run late, it rains on bank holidays and Yorkshire pudding is a main course.'

"The cost of HS2 was 115 billion, but that was when we started the interview. It's 130 now!"

HS2

Run from the hills!

Trainset

"Honesty, I saw a train yesterday"

HS2 time bomb...

S**t Creek Halt

Ticket machine costing an arm and a leg.

'We don't keep cash on the premises.'

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

An old gentleman speaking with a shoeblack at a train station

'You can see the excuses in the news now, it will be 'The wrong sort of rain'!'

An argument between a passenger and a train porter.

Coupler Counselling

'Arrivals and Departures - this railroad governed by Heisenberg's uncertainty principle'

Isambard Kingdom Brunel.

'I know it's harrowing and distressing, but please Mr. Benson, tell me again about your daily train journey to work.'

'Well, if they don't go chuff chuff anymore. . . how do they go?'

What Holds the Subway Together?

'It will bring economic benefits to the North and Midlands.'

"Conjoined twins were born in a bed on a passenger train. They were separated at berth."

'it's a special for nostalgia buffs.'

"Kevin's job as a train announcer seriously affected his love-life..."

Railway 'King' George Hudson

'It's so called because I expect the ticket prices to rocket!'