Railway Joker Pillows

Strategic Rail Authority to Richard Branson - 'I'm afraid you'll have to stand, all the seats are taken.'

'Your shoe's untied.'

"This seat with extra legroom is great."

'My wife is going to kill me. All her shopping coupons are in that lost luggage.'

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

Dracula vacationing in Venice feeding bats in the Piazza of St. Mark.

"It's my helper trout!"

You are now leaving Everything..."Well, now I've seen everything."

Jack in the Box Oxygen Mask

"Our new treadmill is easy to use, you just set it to the speed setting that's most comfortable for you."

Bicycle Sidecar.

Distance to horizon varies.

"Were you using your mobile?" "How could I possibly? I've had my hands full eating and smoking!"

Desert Roundabout

Very drunk professional cyclist

"It's kind of hard to know where these photos were taken: The backgrounds are very similar..."

"Not wearing deodorant is not what I meant by 'respect the local customs'"

"You heading south again this summer?"

"You have luggage? - Oh, we don't do LUGGAGE any more."

'I've only packed essentials! CD player, hair dryer, eight new tops and a sun lamp.'

'Backseat driver...'

"Please remove your shoes, realize you forgot to wear socks, accept your fate, and make peace with your god."

"Act your shoe size, not your age."

The bus home.

'We found your luggage! It went to Buffalo!'

Tedium Tours.

'Excuse me - Which way is Southwestern North Carolina?'

'This went faster before his bladder gave out.'

'Not only does he have a one-track mind...it's also narrow gauge.'

Knight in the Elevator

"Attention... attention... the winner of tonight's lucky oar prize is..."

"The last one to The Four Seasons picks up the check."

'This is your captain speaking. Apologies for the turbulence. Cabin staff will re-fill the litter trays shortly.'

Man standing at a railway station.

"The only reason I would take my husband to Paris would be to hide the body."