Race Commentator Prints

I don't know why, but I never seem to win the close races.

'Into the final furlong and still 'Morning Star' holds the lead...'

Opportunities in Coronatimes

Trump Administration Raising White Flag in Ukraine

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

"Nation-building never works."

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

I think you're ace

'What's wrong with those Europeans? We have more murders in this city than England, France Germany and Spain combined.'

Here's the Weird Anti-Terrorist Trash Talk That Stayed on Donald Trump's Cutting Room Floor After the Manchester Attack

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

Trump Poutine

Laughingstock

"You know who's tougher than all your little superheroes? The fossil fuel industry."

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

Perils of the double play.

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"....So called 'fake news' is dangerous to our democracy!"

'The 'Leviathan Bat,' or many centuried marvel of the modern (cricket) world. (Dr. William Gilbert Grace.)'

"I just know he's gonna ask me why I voted for Trump."

'I was hounded out of office!', 'That explains the smell.'

"Actually, yes, honey — I do believe 'Fox News' is an oxymoron."

"Hey...look...I'm prepared to admit that I might have been wrong, but...I think it's time to draw a line under it... and y'know...move on..."

A lock labeled 'freedom' covers a man's mouth.

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'