Raccoon Lover T-Shirts

'And best of all, he really enjoys it.'

Taking out the trash

'Dude, it's pizza. Again! I don't know whether to leave them a Chinese takeout menu, or just trash the place.'

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

'You know too much!'

"I sure hope there's something good in here. I worked up quite an appetite getting past that raccoon-proof lid."

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

"As I was only saying the other day..."

"I finally gave in, I got sick of hearing, 'Polly want a podcast?... Polly want a podcast!'"

'I don't remember this canoe being this heavy, do you Tom?'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

"Can you believe he was the last dog at the shelter?"

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

'You're going to be in heaven. Cindy makes the most amazing carrot cakes!'

Rubbish Carousel

"Having all the kids at home is a big adjustment."

"Overkill, dude."

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

"I'm not trying to be cool, I'm just making sure the crocodile hunters won't see my eyes reflected in their searchlight..."

"You spend far too much time on social media, Joe!"

Magic Act

"There's nothing magical about if, actually I just have a knack for this sort of thing."

'I don't want you to think I'm a maniac or something, but we haven't had bunnies for over a week now.'

'Get me everything you have on bunny rabbits.'

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

"I got a job!"

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

'Polly wants a Nasdaqer...Polly wants a Nasdaqer...'

"You know, turning a hobby into a job kinda takes all the fun out of it."

"They say this will keep us up all night like that's a bad thing."

Finance piracy

"Maybe I've been brainwashed, but at this point I do believe I actually want a goddamn cracker."

'You're a smooth talker, Alphonse, but around here that's not enough.'

"Oh, that looks fantastic! Honey, doesn’t that look delicious?!"

"Don't repeat this."