Raccoon Lover T-Shirts

'And best of all, he really enjoys it.'

Taking out the trash

'Dude, it's pizza. Again! I don't know whether to leave them a Chinese takeout menu, or just trash the place.'

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

'You know too much!'

"As I was only saying the other day..."

"I sure hope there's something good in here. I worked up quite an appetite getting past that raccoon-proof lid."

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

"I finally gave in, I got sick of hearing, 'Polly want a podcast?... Polly want a podcast!'"

'I don't remember this canoe being this heavy, do you Tom?'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

"Can you believe he was the last dog at the shelter?"

"Having all the kids at home is a big adjustment."

"Overkill, dude."

Rubbish Carousel

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

"There's nothing magical about if, actually I just have a knack for this sort of thing."

Magic Act

'I don't want you to think I'm a maniac or something, but we haven't had bunnies for over a week now.'

"You spend far too much time on social media, Joe!"

'Get me everything you have on bunny rabbits.'

"I'm not trying to be cool, I'm just making sure the crocodile hunters won't see my eyes reflected in their searchlight..."

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

"I got a job!"

'Polly wants a Nasdaqer...Polly wants a Nasdaqer...'

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

"They say this will keep us up all night like that's a bad thing."

"Maybe I've been brainwashed, but at this point I do believe I actually want a goddamn cracker."

"Oh, that looks fantastic! Honey, doesn’t that look delicious?!"

"You know, turning a hobby into a job kinda takes all the fun out of it."

Finance piracy

'You're a smooth talker, Alphonse, but around here that's not enough.'

"Don't repeat this."

'I've lost the urge to repeat everything...'

'Your parrot is driving me crazy.'