Quixotic Strategist T-Shirts

"No no! I said we're tilting towards windmills, not tilting at them!"

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

Trojan Hurdler.

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

Corporate Ethics Department, how may I help you?

"But will it distract the public's attention enough that they mindlessly buy our products?"

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

'The bad news is that our company is bankrupt. The good news is that we're only morally bankrupt.'

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

"Take me to your thought leader."

"My mommy suggested I try a different advertising approach."

"Saturn. No contest. A deadly, treacherous gas giant ringed by a gossamer halo of ice. It symbolizes both death and life. Both evil and good. It symbolizes existence itself."

"And when conventional theories don't work, we've got Charnier here to do us a spot of voodoo marketing."

"The figures for the last quarter are in. We made significant gains in the fifteen-to-twenty-six-year-old age group, but we lost our immortal souls."

'Whenever I want to cut my lesson short, I ask the music teacher if she has any hip-hop music for the violin.'

'Spock's expertise in M&A deal making was key to the formation of the Federation.'

'The cannon will go off every 20 minutes just to make sure you're paying attention,'

"This may seem counter intuitive, but maybe the solution is to lighten up."

Targets

'All my children have been successful. Frank here is in the Oval Office.'

"We're making progress."

'Fortunes, Impressions, Hunches, Wild Guesses'

'You have a 9:00 A.M. appointment with your ophthalmologist to check your vision and a 11:00 A.M. appointment with the staff to rally the troops around your vision.'

So what happens when you told Armstrong you wouldn't recite that Sinclair Broadcasting script? Oh, nothing. Sinclair sued me for everything I own, that's all. But the joke's on them: I've set up different LLC's for every aspect of my life. So all they could get were the assets of the LLC that they paid. This opens up a whole world of possibilities. I knew forming Rudy-has-next-to-nada LLC was a good idea. I am going to miss my ten cents and my broken wiffle ball, though.

"My first novel is a prequel of a sequel, it's about time travel."

Cat chess

"I'm in advertising. . ."

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."

'You really have no idea what you're doing do you?'

"Timing is everything. I recommend that you act now before the authorities discover I've escaped."

'We would like to visit with you about the possibility of expanding our franchise...'

"We're not admitting any wrong doing, but we've agreed to pay a ten Zillion dollar fine.''

"Bottom line - don't forget to lie."