Quitting Comrade Pillows

'Since he stopped smoking, he doesn't know what to do with his mouth.'

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

"Just one more thump. . . just one more thump."

'Ah, Gripes, you want to discuss a raise with me, eh? Come in, sit down, make yourself comfortable!'

'First semester, you learn the numbers. Second semester, you use them to count the days 'til school is out.'

"I'd appreciate a little more reacting to my ranting."

Sloth traffic jam.

'This should be good. He just won the lottery!'

Trapeze artist leaves sign saying 'I quit'!

"What do you mean the message wasn't directed at me, the Pastor said my full name three times!"

"Oh, great. The boss is in one of his enigmatic, 'Guess what I'm thinking' moods again."

'If you don't stop interrupting me with your phone calls, we're never going to finish our face to face meeting.'

"Of course I know Jim. We once built a time machine together. We go way back."

"Say Jeeeeeez!"

'Would you like me to check your coat?'

Henry Grumble, an editor to the bitter end.

"Mr Yomp is in a big hurry, so give him 'speedy runaround number 39'..."

Who has two thumbs and

The trouble with trying to quit smoking.

"I want out!"

'They were in Vietnam together. Then they went into business together, retired together, and now they're on the doldrums together.'

Dog Confession

"Fish! Always fish! Why don't you catch something nice like a deer?"

'I never thought I'd say this, but I think we ran too far this time.'

'Create Adam before Eve -- He'll need some time to clean up around there a little first.'

I'm no longer on Twitter. I ran out of interesting things to say. Now I'm on Quitter.

'I have a corporate headache.'

Tour de Fran's

"Hey, kid, need any dust?"

"We really shouldn't have based our drinking game on mentions of 'difficult circumstances'..."

Mermaid in swimming race.

"Good heavens, no...the roads are so busy, I'll drive you..."

George finally found some friends who could keep pace with his rigorous training.'

'He started smoking again because he misplaced the remote control!'

"Meet your new manager!"