Quirky Statistician T-Shirts

'This restores my faith in America. Over two million box tops sent in, and only 37 box bottoms.'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

Reverse Ageing Laboratory

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

"What lead you to growing human tests in a test tube?"

Real data visualization specialists are 100% committed to their profession.

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

"Wait! Stop! He changed his mind."

Genetic Fingerprinting.

Pavlov's Cat

'Very good, Jeffrey! - You are so creative!'

Biologists often consult with microbiologists.

'The math is more complex this year and some of you won't be able to just tap out your answers anymore.'

'That's interesting -- I seem to have discovered the gene that makes people want to become geneticists.'

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

'You have an 85% chance of surviving this and 20% chance of wishing you hadn't.'

Cloning Laboratory: 'I never thought I'd work here.'

Satis Factory Tour

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

"105% of the staff who completed 84% of the process were 95% sure that it was a 100% waste of time."

'This cork idea of yours is great! How do you get it out?'

"Now don't expect any miracles. I'm only a para-scientist."

'Kleinzweck has a theory that the strong nuclear force is actually tiny rolls of duct tape.'

'I suppose if we had some money we could buy sand from each other.'

The average taxpayer will ultimately embrace the auto industry bailout. Hell, we sold em all that useless undercoating for all these years!

Banker stepping into 'New image' in 'Savings and Loans' office

Great progress has been made in the science of genetic clowning.

No other lab did as cutting edge research using lab rats as test subjects as McWit Lab.

Carl Wilhelm Scheele: "There was a great display of ores and minerals...I could not write with a molybdenite pencil."

'I'm left brained and I needed some right brains.'