Statistician At Heart T-Shirts

'Research shows people of my age, ethnicity, height, weight, residential preference and income, invest in demographics.'

'If you look closely at the CAT scan, you can see a tiny area of normal brain activity. Otherwise, he's got nothing but a headful of useless sports statistics.'

"105% of the staff who completed 84% of the process were 95% sure that it was a 100% waste of time."

'Yes, there's safety in numbers, but only when the number is large: Tight now, we have only a 50% chance of surviving a deadly attack...'

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

Fear/Knowledge

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

The Life of Pi

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

'1,2,3 4,5,6 7,8,9...'It's the little things that count.(little figurines counting).

"Right, before we look at the covid figures for today, do we need another sheet of paper?"

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

GPC needs to make its new formula foolproof.

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

Granny with balanced pie chart

John Venn Speaks...' Just don't include me in an of those diagrams, if you don't mind.'

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

Baseball Fantasy League Draft. 27 Trout. Everybody wants that rare player who can do it all on their team. Yeah, a player that hits for average and hits for power! Who is also terrific with a glove and has a strong throwing arm. All along with having great speed! Excuse me, I just don't understand it. Why are you always making such a big deal over a five-tool player?!

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

'Can't he ever use a different kind of chart?'

Us. Everyone else. My research shows that we are the only statistics company sill using pie charts displayed on an easel.

Real data visualization specialists are 100% committed to their profession.

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'