Quirky Snack Theorist T-Shirts

'They're not that intelligent.'

'I ran out of sugar, so I used salt.'

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

'Jim's blogging his thought for the day. He doesn't have any profound thoughts, he just has one thought per day.'

The Burning Bush: How God convinced Moses to Lead His people a.k.a. the origin of s'mores.

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

Happy Meals for Grown Ups

"It's something I made myself - chocolate covered veggies."

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

An everything bagel? You call this an everything bagel?

"This sub tastes much better with some traffic jam."

Fresh hamsters on a stick.

"I just had a terrifying glimpse into our snack."

Oh, Boy, Mom. A peanut and jellyworm sandwich.'

"It's a game changer. . . carrots and hummous batons but we've managed to make them out of sugar."

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

The Fast-Science Strip

"Hang on - this one's a Malteser!!"

"Not eating your Cheezies, Miller?"

"My business plan? Well, all my friends are addicted, so if I can get access to potatoes and set up a deep fryer, I'll be rich!"

"Thanks for bringing the party mix, but. . ."

"Unbelievable! Even Internet cookies made me gain weight."

Paranormal tips: sandwiches with crop circles may lead to marmalade stains on trousers

'Owing to the very real threat of biscuit-related injuries, the snack of choice for meetings will now be blancmange.'

'I've coughed up more attractive things than this snack.'

"With these electricity prices we can't afford cooking anymore. Imagine eating sausage-favored popsicles."

'Manna! Matzoh! If I knew the food would be so bad on this trip, I would have stayed in Egypt.'

Pope-Corn - the Pope cooking his own brand of popcorn

The individual cheese slice. Oddly, not the first choice for the truly individual.

'Not ME... I'm watching my cholesterol!'

"Tasty and nutritious? Any five year old knows that's a contradiction in terms."

"Man, I love roughing it out here...but this trail mix is making my fingers sticky!"

Yeah, I'm having a lowest plane of consciousness kind of day. Chips.