Quirky Self-help Supporter Pillows

'Woke up in a strange town. No money. No friends. Had to hitchhike to get home. Luckily, I still had part of one thumb left.'

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

"Oh, I'm fine. I just had to take a personal day to recharge my batteries."

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

"The saving grace of living with someone who has AD/HD is that any arguments you have over it never last very long."

New from Low-Key Press.

Telling Self to Buzz Off

"We can work up to antidepressants, but for now I want to start you on eating a whole jar of cocktail olives over the kitchen sink."

"The words 'complete screwball' are not in my vocabulary."

Love is Love

Egomaniacs Anonymous - "There's nothing anonymous about me!"

Sinlge-white-male seeking single-female who enjoys, silence, long long walks, and scorpions.

'Physician heel thyself!'

"It's our fault. We put out milk & cookies and now we can't get rid of him."

Older cousin press

"Do not bury yourself alive if allergic to burying yourself alive."

"Why can't you just read in bed?"

"Whenever I'm feeling down, I throw myself a parade."

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

"It's okay. I'm still ranked at the top of my class in self-esteem."

'I haven't been trying for years and look where it's gotten me.'

The final stage of grief is acceptance. And the inevitable long and rambling acceptance speech.

'Flea and tick circus'

JWoww becomes fascinated with psychedelic therapy after reading 'How to Change Your Mind' by Michael Pollan.

'Self-help books for cynics'

Santa saying to shrink - "I don't believe in myself."

'There, there, Mrs Hornsby. Many women your age go through menopausal facial hair growth.'

"When you've finished your affirmations, dear, don't forget to put your trousers on."

'Thank goodness, the publishers rejected my self help book.'

'I did it the hard way. No self-improvement books.'

Success Without Effort

"Do you know how distracting it is when you spin the chamber on that revolver?"