Quirky Royal Mugs

"Her Ladyship wanted the portrait to have a more contemporary look."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

Anna Calvi

Carbon Dating.

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

Best before 65 million BC.

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

'I know how much you like holding hands, so I brought you a box of them..'

"I have such strong feelers for you."

Flowers? My girl prefers a dead mouse!

It's not what's outside that interests me. It's what's inside!

'Promise me you'll say Yes / No / Don't know ...'

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

"You're telling me I should leave the artists' commune that saved me from my stepmother's tyrannical elitism, where I have seven boyfriends, to become the impotent figurehead of another unjust power structure?"

"Don't be a sentimental fool, Harker!"

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

Carbon Dating

"It's not safe to keep meeting like this."

Banana Smoothie

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

'I'm sure it's a violation, but I can't find it in the rule book.'

'I love your spindly legs, your tiny pinhead and your bulging thorax - marry me!'

The Dancing Academy

'A corsage! How sweet of you!! It's delicious!!! '

Kid goes to Hideaway Bakery and sees a sign for a sale on upside down cakes. Cakes are upside down.

Happy Valentine's Day.

"Here's another one about Teddy bears."

Didgeridoos

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

"It's serious. We've had each other's tracking numbers tattooed on our bottoms."

'... No, actually. He's short, blond and ugly.'

This is very sweet, Phil, but no, I don't want to buy a violin from you.

Tom Mullica.