Quirky Quipsters T-Shirts

"Wife and two hernias to support!"

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

Glance Exchange

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

"It's just a tree."

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"How about a hand."

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

'You can't come in here with that.'

Self Help / Elf Help.

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"I cross the road to forget."

'The Lemming Book Store'

'Please keep in mind this is only a 'ruff' copy.'

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'